Week 1
Monday May 5 2014
It amazes me how each day is composed of so many factors that influence your day to be “great”, “good”, “nah”, without any relevant circumstance happening to you and your surroundings. For each day to work as you expected, without any “accident”, everything in the universe has to fit perfectly in order with the things you expected. For that to happen it needs a lot of effort, faith and action. Effort because things fall perfectly where they need to go (i.e. as you drive to UFM, all the cars do what they need to do, for there not to be an accident) there’s an effort on your part for things to be that way as well. Also, how many times we are so confident that things will go as we expect, and that is faith. Action because things are not going to happen just because, without you intervening or heading to an end, you are the actor. In order for things to go wrong in your day, the total opposite happens, elements in the universe might give you warnings that something is about to happen, and yet one remains dormant to these signals and continue its course of life doing the same things, until life scares the hell out of you. One has to learn to listen more to the intuition and feeling the body’s feelings to remain awake to any signal. It’s amazing as I said that we live in a complex order, of a very perfectly chaotic world.
Today George Gilder came to talk to us about everything that he is interested. He started with microchips, which are made with three of the most common elements found on Earth: aluminum, oxygen and silicon. Connecting also with the order these are constructed with the hierarchical structure which seems to be the structure of the universe. In order to understand the mind he said, we need to be able to understand consciousness, that’s what’s the most fundamental factor in our brain. How are we going to understand ourselves by thinking as ourselves, one has to have another system to understand us, one which is higher (Hofstadter would agree) he concluded that the human being must pursue an openness to learning, in order to acquire knowledge which brings wealth. We are information system; all of our DNA’s are contained with information. As a creative act comes to us as a surprise, it is the unexpected development that matters not much the result. One has to be able to be critical with the things that work for us finding the path that most suits our ends and interests. He said that it is essential to have mastery on something while you live. I want to be able to have mastered many things in the fields of my life (spiritual, physical and intellectual).
It amazes me how each day is composed of so many factors that influence your day to be “great”, “good”, “nah”, without any relevant circumstance happening to you and your surroundings. For each day to work as you expected, without any “accident”, everything in the universe has to fit perfectly in order with the things you expected. For that to happen it needs a lot of effort, faith and action. Effort because things fall perfectly where they need to go (i.e. as you drive to UFM, all the cars do what they need to do, for there not to be an accident) there’s an effort on your part for things to be that way as well. Also, how many times we are so confident that things will go as we expect, and that is faith. Action because things are not going to happen just because, without you intervening or heading to an end, you are the actor. In order for things to go wrong in your day, the total opposite happens, elements in the universe might give you warnings that something is about to happen, and yet one remains dormant to these signals and continue its course of life doing the same things, until life scares the hell out of you. One has to learn to listen more to the intuition and feeling the body’s feelings to remain awake to any signal. It’s amazing as I said that we live in a complex order, of a very perfectly chaotic world.
Today George Gilder came to talk to us about everything that he is interested. He started with microchips, which are made with three of the most common elements found on Earth: aluminum, oxygen and silicon. Connecting also with the order these are constructed with the hierarchical structure which seems to be the structure of the universe. In order to understand the mind he said, we need to be able to understand consciousness, that’s what’s the most fundamental factor in our brain. How are we going to understand ourselves by thinking as ourselves, one has to have another system to understand us, one which is higher (Hofstadter would agree) he concluded that the human being must pursue an openness to learning, in order to acquire knowledge which brings wealth. We are information system; all of our DNA’s are contained with information. As a creative act comes to us as a surprise, it is the unexpected development that matters not much the result. One has to be able to be critical with the things that work for us finding the path that most suits our ends and interests. He said that it is essential to have mastery on something while you live. I want to be able to have mastered many things in the fields of my life (spiritual, physical and intellectual).
Tuesday May 6, 2014
I today re-took my yoga classes at 5am. I am very glad I did because the entire day I felt very relaxed and in ease with my body. There’s no longer excuses for one not to keep in balance with your body. Is our most precious and machine for our dreams, let’s keep it as a treasure.
Isa’s morning meeting was very beautiful, it was inspired in Majo’s daily goals challenge she is doing on her own. We all wrote 3 things we would like to do as a goal each day, what I wrote was: see the sunrise and have a five minute meditation for being grateful for the everything we have, the other one was to cook your favorite meal for someone special, and third was to call a member of your family and say how much love them.
After many days of not following through my schedule of codecademy, I finally did. I advanced a lot today but still it remains a lot more to do, I am doubtful that I will be able to finish it by the end of May, it seems I do many exercises yet the points are kept on the same level. After language, we had our meeting for T4 manual. We were very efficient and chose three different categories to work on for next Tuesday. As soon as we broke into our groups to work, I was able to finish the three sections I chose (creating one’s own standards, group rubrics and curricular choice), I am still wanting to revise them before publishing them, because I am surely missing lots of things, but I need some rest and check it with a fresh look as well as ask for advice to my classmates.
Our day was very effective, I am very glad that Majo took her time to change the schedule in order that we have more time to work on our pending work, and took advantage of the many blank spots that were hanging in the air during the week. It felt a more productive environment and it had a sense of unity. I really enjoyed today, I felt very efficient and productive, and that made me happy.
I today re-took my yoga classes at 5am. I am very glad I did because the entire day I felt very relaxed and in ease with my body. There’s no longer excuses for one not to keep in balance with your body. Is our most precious and machine for our dreams, let’s keep it as a treasure.
Isa’s morning meeting was very beautiful, it was inspired in Majo’s daily goals challenge she is doing on her own. We all wrote 3 things we would like to do as a goal each day, what I wrote was: see the sunrise and have a five minute meditation for being grateful for the everything we have, the other one was to cook your favorite meal for someone special, and third was to call a member of your family and say how much love them.
After many days of not following through my schedule of codecademy, I finally did. I advanced a lot today but still it remains a lot more to do, I am doubtful that I will be able to finish it by the end of May, it seems I do many exercises yet the points are kept on the same level. After language, we had our meeting for T4 manual. We were very efficient and chose three different categories to work on for next Tuesday. As soon as we broke into our groups to work, I was able to finish the three sections I chose (creating one’s own standards, group rubrics and curricular choice), I am still wanting to revise them before publishing them, because I am surely missing lots of things, but I need some rest and check it with a fresh look as well as ask for advice to my classmates.
Our day was very effective, I am very glad that Majo took her time to change the schedule in order that we have more time to work on our pending work, and took advantage of the many blank spots that were hanging in the air during the week. It felt a more productive environment and it had a sense of unity. I really enjoyed today, I felt very efficient and productive, and that made me happy.
Wednesday May 7, 2014
Human Brothers
The human kindness that is born within each of us, when we are for the same cause, or fighting against something in common is incredible. Today I donated for the first time blood to the Red Cross. I sensed the humility of each member while entering the room, talking to the doctors, nurses and even the students that are here studying at UFM, even though they were in different faculties. This is possible to do it in a bigger scale if we are tending towards the same goals in life. Probably not the same ends because Mises will kill me if he reads these, but as human beings reaching for the fundamental things that makes us happy which is serving others, as Jesus said. All with certain limits of course, not meaning that you are to work for others for nothing, but you will do it because it brings you greater happy than not doing it. Leaving this beautiful experience behind, I loved this day. We started by doing an awesome morning meeting, which was using Chinese black ink method to interpret the poem of our partner by drawing it. After that we were left to do our work, and Grace and I had our first meeting for writing the movie in 21 days, which resulted in a very productive talk, plus it felt nice to reconnect with her, after many days just seeing her running back and forth.
Miguel Anxo Bastos, came to dialogue with us about the article by Spooner, which I enjoyed so so much. It gave me a great argument to think about anarchic states, there’s still a lot of work to do but I believe it’s possible, if every time we give less and less power to the state. After the dialogue which had a very nice flow, we went to work on our things and I started my schedule inventory for the following weeks. It is really hard I noticed to think, or know what exactly you will be doing with your time in the following days, when you don’t know what’s going to happen in the next minutes. So it made me think more critically with what I am doing with my time, and if I am being as efficient as I think I am being.
For kata’s virtual professor, Bert Folsom, we had a great conversation, especially because it was a very nice reading. He gave great tips on being an entrepreneur, to have vision, passion and be persistent with your goals until you make it happen were the characteristics that most touched me.
In debrief we had a very special session because we all were open to hearing other’s comments on: what we liked in the week, what we want to change and how, and also something that we wanted to take off our chests that is bothering us. It felt good, being in a community with lots of people eager to help you out to become a better person. Also in their pursuits of becoming life-long learners by being well-educated, and people of good ethics. We are truly all here to change the world. We are all capable and good at doing the things with great impact.
Human Brothers
The human kindness that is born within each of us, when we are for the same cause, or fighting against something in common is incredible. Today I donated for the first time blood to the Red Cross. I sensed the humility of each member while entering the room, talking to the doctors, nurses and even the students that are here studying at UFM, even though they were in different faculties. This is possible to do it in a bigger scale if we are tending towards the same goals in life. Probably not the same ends because Mises will kill me if he reads these, but as human beings reaching for the fundamental things that makes us happy which is serving others, as Jesus said. All with certain limits of course, not meaning that you are to work for others for nothing, but you will do it because it brings you greater happy than not doing it. Leaving this beautiful experience behind, I loved this day. We started by doing an awesome morning meeting, which was using Chinese black ink method to interpret the poem of our partner by drawing it. After that we were left to do our work, and Grace and I had our first meeting for writing the movie in 21 days, which resulted in a very productive talk, plus it felt nice to reconnect with her, after many days just seeing her running back and forth.
Miguel Anxo Bastos, came to dialogue with us about the article by Spooner, which I enjoyed so so much. It gave me a great argument to think about anarchic states, there’s still a lot of work to do but I believe it’s possible, if every time we give less and less power to the state. After the dialogue which had a very nice flow, we went to work on our things and I started my schedule inventory for the following weeks. It is really hard I noticed to think, or know what exactly you will be doing with your time in the following days, when you don’t know what’s going to happen in the next minutes. So it made me think more critically with what I am doing with my time, and if I am being as efficient as I think I am being.
For kata’s virtual professor, Bert Folsom, we had a great conversation, especially because it was a very nice reading. He gave great tips on being an entrepreneur, to have vision, passion and be persistent with your goals until you make it happen were the characteristics that most touched me.
In debrief we had a very special session because we all were open to hearing other’s comments on: what we liked in the week, what we want to change and how, and also something that we wanted to take off our chests that is bothering us. It felt good, being in a community with lots of people eager to help you out to become a better person. Also in their pursuits of becoming life-long learners by being well-educated, and people of good ethics. We are truly all here to change the world. We are all capable and good at doing the things with great impact.
El ser
Si solo somos una conciencia
Porque tenemos tantas diferencias
Y vivimos con muy poca paciencia
Para tan solo ser de influencia
Estamos en el presente tratando
Entender mentes de ayer sin saber
Las preguntas del ambiente consciente
Que emana de una necesidad
De cambiar el presente por futuro
Con el objetivo de alcanzar lo
Que es bueno, verdadero y bello
Esto siempre ha motivado al ser
Al querer ser al no ser uno o dos
Entes separados del mismo ser
Si solo somos una conciencia
Porque tenemos tantas diferencias
Y vivimos con muy poca paciencia
Para tan solo ser de influencia
Estamos en el presente tratando
Entender mentes de ayer sin saber
Las preguntas del ambiente consciente
Que emana de una necesidad
De cambiar el presente por futuro
Con el objetivo de alcanzar lo
Que es bueno, verdadero y bello
Esto siempre ha motivado al ser
Al querer ser al no ser uno o dos
Entes separados del mismo ser
Week 2
Monday May 12, 2014
Bounded by our nature
When one had a schedule, and has follow it through things feel lighter and the stress is automatically removed from your mind. You no longer think about the thousand of tasks of the day, but rather focus in one, plus you increase the quality of the work because you have dedicated time and space for it. I feel very proud of the schedule that I have created, and more proud to my persistence in following each hour what I need to follow.
In our clash of economics dialogue we had a lot of fun, plus I learned a lot from my friends input. I am amazed that J. Stuart Mill was a socialist, yet had a lot of libertarian ideas. Sometimes we are so biased with the labels that we are not able to see the reasons of why they think that way and what made them reflect on those subjects, such as experiences of the time that marked them. In got me thinking as well, the importance of economics and the philosophers that ideate a logical argument for following certain principles, even though they are wrong. The problem is taking the theories for granted, without really proving them right. I believe as society we should be evolving on the way we follow orders, and the way we do things, by first analyzing if the given theories are serving our purposes, and if they’re not, changing and allowing other options and innovating ways of solving the current problems. This would mean that a free market is available in order for everyone who feels the need and call for solving a problem would do it and will have incentives for doing so, and he managing in the best possible way, without the interference of the government in so many things. You know what’s more interesting? Is that in our systems of survival dialogue, we were talking about when does a system gets corrupted, and it’s when one system assumes the function of the other. If you are the guardian, you are to follow the guardian system, meaning protecting contracts, but not interfering on them, if you are the commercial syndrome you are to follow the needs of your own business, not expecting government should be the one helping you out to prosper.
In our great essay dialogue we continued with Hayek’s article “Kinds of Order in Society”, that declares that spontaneous orders are not planned, but emerges from the actions of individuals. Human beings are unpredictable. An order is not given by reason. What we are bounded to change is only with the elements already given in our nature, by rearranging them and creating something different, but not new. What Hayek is calling us to do, is ignore much of the knowledge that we believe we have in order to be aware of our own ignorance, of the many things we are still unaware of in the world.
I am just amazed, that we are part of nature and that we cannot do anything differently than from the things we already posses, that includes, materials, knowledge and reason. Are we really being guided by an invisible hand? Or do we have a lot of say into what things we want to create?
Bounded by our nature
When one had a schedule, and has follow it through things feel lighter and the stress is automatically removed from your mind. You no longer think about the thousand of tasks of the day, but rather focus in one, plus you increase the quality of the work because you have dedicated time and space for it. I feel very proud of the schedule that I have created, and more proud to my persistence in following each hour what I need to follow.
In our clash of economics dialogue we had a lot of fun, plus I learned a lot from my friends input. I am amazed that J. Stuart Mill was a socialist, yet had a lot of libertarian ideas. Sometimes we are so biased with the labels that we are not able to see the reasons of why they think that way and what made them reflect on those subjects, such as experiences of the time that marked them. In got me thinking as well, the importance of economics and the philosophers that ideate a logical argument for following certain principles, even though they are wrong. The problem is taking the theories for granted, without really proving them right. I believe as society we should be evolving on the way we follow orders, and the way we do things, by first analyzing if the given theories are serving our purposes, and if they’re not, changing and allowing other options and innovating ways of solving the current problems. This would mean that a free market is available in order for everyone who feels the need and call for solving a problem would do it and will have incentives for doing so, and he managing in the best possible way, without the interference of the government in so many things. You know what’s more interesting? Is that in our systems of survival dialogue, we were talking about when does a system gets corrupted, and it’s when one system assumes the function of the other. If you are the guardian, you are to follow the guardian system, meaning protecting contracts, but not interfering on them, if you are the commercial syndrome you are to follow the needs of your own business, not expecting government should be the one helping you out to prosper.
In our great essay dialogue we continued with Hayek’s article “Kinds of Order in Society”, that declares that spontaneous orders are not planned, but emerges from the actions of individuals. Human beings are unpredictable. An order is not given by reason. What we are bounded to change is only with the elements already given in our nature, by rearranging them and creating something different, but not new. What Hayek is calling us to do, is ignore much of the knowledge that we believe we have in order to be aware of our own ignorance, of the many things we are still unaware of in the world.
I am just amazed, that we are part of nature and that we cannot do anything differently than from the things we already posses, that includes, materials, knowledge and reason. Are we really being guided by an invisible hand? Or do we have a lot of say into what things we want to create?
Tuesday May 13, 2014
To question or not to question, that’s the question.
Serendipity is something that happens at the MPC, most of the time. Either if is dialogues which you participate in, curriculum classes, random conversations, or something you overhear in another conversation. Once again I am reminded of Michael Polanyi’s quote: “A discovery comes to a mind immersed in its pursuit”. This means that you will be able to discover something, if it is something you are looking for. I connected it with a comment from Bert, that said it in “Fire in the Equations” dialogue of the first years that I participated today: “If someone gives you an answer for God, is it really an answer that serves you? No one can tell you the answer for what you are looking for; except yourself.” It’s struggling at times, to doubt everything that was once believed as blind truth, you just knew it by blind faith, either if it was indoctrinated by dogma, tradition or families. I sometimes feel a sense of “guilt” when I question if Jesus really was a man that did all that he is attributed for. Where does this guilt come from? From the fear inherited with the dogma, or is it natural in human beings, in order to lead you one way only? (I want this freedom from inheritance, by questioning it, until finding an answer that serves me). I am really not sure, and sometimes I have to stop my constant conversations in my head because I don’t know where they are talking me. And when you don’t know or have any expectations of the result, it scares you; it scares to go to the unknown, to the unquestioned, because that is where the answer rests. The answer is that which proves you that things in life comes out from discovery, from questioning the status quo, having a mind shift in the perception you see the world. That’s why out of everything, the most important quest in one which you set your mind in the pursuit of discovery. One must start the journey for searching it, if authentic life is what you want. If I arrive to the same answers that I was thought before, well now it’s even more meaningful because I know what they mean, and how they came to be that way. And that leads me to something Kitty Ferguson says in her book: I AM. Meaning I am the source of measurement of the theories I put my heart to. Let’s strive for taking the responsibility of discovering standards to live by, and which serves our individual questions.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
What’s more important the question or the answer?
I am not pretending to answer the last question, because that would mean I am giving more meaning to the answer itself. For me both are as valuable, to ask a question it means that you are in the road to discovery. The road that will lead you to the answer you are looking for, it will take you somewhere where you find happiness. It is the process that’s most important for the individual asking and seeking his questions; it’s the process that one decides to take in order to fulfill that uncomfortable feeling of having doubts, and being confused with knowledge. We want to be able to remove from the stage of nonage, and exposing ourselves to experiences that takes us closer to what we are looking for; either old or new questions, answers, or just experiences that bring out joy. I have been described as a joyful individual, but what is joy to those who have described me with this attribute? I sometimes clearly don’t feel that joy within, even thou, others see it. I believe I have become an expert in trying to shut down my inner feelings, because it’s not anyone’s problems but mine, and rather portray a joyful face so others don’t get affected by my negativity. It works out in the way that all of a sudden I stop having the negative feelings. My metacognition has been evolving these past days, as I’ve been having meditation every single day, my reaction towards others or any circumstances, have become more conscious and not so rush. I really feel an inner peace that it feels comfortable to be inside of it. I listen too much, talk to little. As I’ve wanted to know the opinions of my peers, and the way they think, I have unconsciously shutten down my voice. I was reminded to recover that spirit of connecting different things, having stronger voice that gives my arguments more impact. The tone is very important even thou the message is full of insecurities, but if you start strong end strong. Today I saw this quote and couldn’t agree more. “You can learn to have questions without the need to answer them.”
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Human Expression
Human expression. That’s the most meaningful thing as human I’ve ever experienced, either if is for joy, sad, excitement or disappointment. Today was one of those days, which I was very aware of my body, feelings and emotions; I lived through many emotions and was exposed to express myself in many ways.
First I had my Design and Innovation class, which was my final presentation. As a leader of my group, I felt I didn’t perform a good job. First of all, because I was faced with the decision of telling my group exactly everything as I wanted it the presentation to look like, or let them commit their mistakes and learn from them on their own, making the presentation as their imagination could go. I did the latter. As we were about to present I was feeling nervous because I had no idea how the presentation resulted in the end. I felt a little lost while presenting, because I didn’t know the order and found the presentation long and tedious. But to my surprise, the feedback we received was very good; they all liked the idea except they would have liked to see the prototype more as it would actually be in real life. Well, any way, I learned a lot from my group, the process we all went through and my role as a leader.
Afterwards I had to run quickly to Grace’s dance presentation, to my surprise it would start an hour later, so that gave me time to prepare my debate case that I received feedback today. The whole experience, of being there by myself, made me feel so aware of my being, and who I am when I’m alone. That is why my reflection today is called Human Expression. Because as I saw Grace and other girls dancing, I was impressed to see the magnificence’s of the human body, immersed in such organized and artistic beauty transmitting so many messages, making me feel so much and yet so little. I cried, I laughed, there was light within me, I could feel it. And that was myself expressing in thousands of ways. I love to be aware, conscious of my emotions. Everything has more meaning if you open your life to the beauties of life when you are aware, learning about others, and learning about yourself.
Human Expression
Human expression. That’s the most meaningful thing as human I’ve ever experienced, either if is for joy, sad, excitement or disappointment. Today was one of those days, which I was very aware of my body, feelings and emotions; I lived through many emotions and was exposed to express myself in many ways.
First I had my Design and Innovation class, which was my final presentation. As a leader of my group, I felt I didn’t perform a good job. First of all, because I was faced with the decision of telling my group exactly everything as I wanted it the presentation to look like, or let them commit their mistakes and learn from them on their own, making the presentation as their imagination could go. I did the latter. As we were about to present I was feeling nervous because I had no idea how the presentation resulted in the end. I felt a little lost while presenting, because I didn’t know the order and found the presentation long and tedious. But to my surprise, the feedback we received was very good; they all liked the idea except they would have liked to see the prototype more as it would actually be in real life. Well, any way, I learned a lot from my group, the process we all went through and my role as a leader.
Afterwards I had to run quickly to Grace’s dance presentation, to my surprise it would start an hour later, so that gave me time to prepare my debate case that I received feedback today. The whole experience, of being there by myself, made me feel so aware of my being, and who I am when I’m alone. That is why my reflection today is called Human Expression. Because as I saw Grace and other girls dancing, I was impressed to see the magnificence’s of the human body, immersed in such organized and artistic beauty transmitting so many messages, making me feel so much and yet so little. I cried, I laughed, there was light within me, I could feel it. And that was myself expressing in thousands of ways. I love to be aware, conscious of my emotions. Everything has more meaning if you open your life to the beauties of life when you are aware, learning about others, and learning about yourself.
Week 3
Monday may 19, 2014
My 22's
On the day of your birthday, you feel empowered. One might think that it is because you are the center of attention wherever you go, they know it’s your birthday. But, in my case , today as it was my birthday, besides being a Monday, most of my peers went on within their little worlds, giving little importance to what today meant for me. And that’s when thoughts kept on going in my head, such as, nobody cares for me. Do they know, what day is today? Isn’t someone going to sing to me? It’s super sad to be feeling this in your birthday, plus is extremely uncomfortable. As much as I knew my inner worth, and that nobody else had to give me the words that I wanted to hear, still for me it felt uncomfortable, and I thought I completely needed to hear them, in order not to feel that horrible sensation. What’s more damaging I noticed after a few moments, is the expectations I had it was going to happen today, and when none of that happen, I doubted about myself. What troubles can doubt lead you to? It’s ok to doubt, but to act or to think always based on doubt is extremely dangerous to our mental and physical health, I think, because it doesn’t really make you think straight. Well, after lunch, just like an usual lunch ( I thought about eating by myself in the pond at the campus, then I doubted). We started writing our script with Grace, and a few moments after while we had our mindset in our characters, most of my classmates started singing to me happy birthday and with a cake in hands. I felt very loved, and excited. Everything that I had thought before completely went mute, and I could only appreciate the moment, the dedication everyone had put into bringing me this moment of happiness. And I understood that is better not to expect anything, rather than making yourself a lot of illusions that something big is happening, but rather embrace every detail each person has with you because they are doing it from the bottom of their heart. Besides this, afterwards Isa came to visit me and brought me a balloon that says happy birthday, and a heart cookie with something written on it, it was beautiful. We chat for about half an hour and then she went.
I felt grateful today, and actually felt the 22 years, very special, I like that number, and I like having that age, it feels like I will be accomplishing many things throughout this year. I am starting to think that more and more responsibility is handed to me. And also, knowing that big girls don’t doubt. They are confident with the decisions they take and they don’t second question their reasons for doing what they most love. And I am a big girl now, there’s no more heading to my parents to ask for anything that I can do on my own. I have a mind a body, soul and the will of doing what I most think is valuable for me and for mankind. I know the impact I can generate throughout the world, and I will do it, because I can do it, I want to do it and I am not afraid. Empowerment comes from your own knowledge of who you are, and who have you been the last 22 years. Visualizing where you want to be in the future, and what means are you taking to reach them. Every birthday, is a check up with yourself, to evaluate if you are holding unto the principles that you uphold, and changing them if necessary.
My 22's
On the day of your birthday, you feel empowered. One might think that it is because you are the center of attention wherever you go, they know it’s your birthday. But, in my case , today as it was my birthday, besides being a Monday, most of my peers went on within their little worlds, giving little importance to what today meant for me. And that’s when thoughts kept on going in my head, such as, nobody cares for me. Do they know, what day is today? Isn’t someone going to sing to me? It’s super sad to be feeling this in your birthday, plus is extremely uncomfortable. As much as I knew my inner worth, and that nobody else had to give me the words that I wanted to hear, still for me it felt uncomfortable, and I thought I completely needed to hear them, in order not to feel that horrible sensation. What’s more damaging I noticed after a few moments, is the expectations I had it was going to happen today, and when none of that happen, I doubted about myself. What troubles can doubt lead you to? It’s ok to doubt, but to act or to think always based on doubt is extremely dangerous to our mental and physical health, I think, because it doesn’t really make you think straight. Well, after lunch, just like an usual lunch ( I thought about eating by myself in the pond at the campus, then I doubted). We started writing our script with Grace, and a few moments after while we had our mindset in our characters, most of my classmates started singing to me happy birthday and with a cake in hands. I felt very loved, and excited. Everything that I had thought before completely went mute, and I could only appreciate the moment, the dedication everyone had put into bringing me this moment of happiness. And I understood that is better not to expect anything, rather than making yourself a lot of illusions that something big is happening, but rather embrace every detail each person has with you because they are doing it from the bottom of their heart. Besides this, afterwards Isa came to visit me and brought me a balloon that says happy birthday, and a heart cookie with something written on it, it was beautiful. We chat for about half an hour and then she went.
I felt grateful today, and actually felt the 22 years, very special, I like that number, and I like having that age, it feels like I will be accomplishing many things throughout this year. I am starting to think that more and more responsibility is handed to me. And also, knowing that big girls don’t doubt. They are confident with the decisions they take and they don’t second question their reasons for doing what they most love. And I am a big girl now, there’s no more heading to my parents to ask for anything that I can do on my own. I have a mind a body, soul and the will of doing what I most think is valuable for me and for mankind. I know the impact I can generate throughout the world, and I will do it, because I can do it, I want to do it and I am not afraid. Empowerment comes from your own knowledge of who you are, and who have you been the last 22 years. Visualizing where you want to be in the future, and what means are you taking to reach them. Every birthday, is a check up with yourself, to evaluate if you are holding unto the principles that you uphold, and changing them if necessary.
May 20, 2014
Every moment is such a moment
You become courageous by doing courageous acts. This was something Andrew told me last Friday and I couldn’t agree more with this quote today more than ever.
Anytime I have something important to say, and when I am in the situation I am coward and I don’t know how to start the conversation. So I just suffer inside of me, and don’t speak at all, expecting that the other person will ask me or be directly forwarding the solution to my problem, as if they knew the why and how of my problems. It is so not comfortable to remain with the anxiety that goes on your head, thinking things like: is this the right thing to say, how the other person will react, how will I be judged? It’s completely horrible, and it takes you away from the here and now. The worse feeling ever. To not speak your mind, because you are afraid of the outcome, and how others will think of you. Today was one of those days were I learned that remaining with my own problems, won’t lead me anywhere, plus I am not being honest with myself about expressing the things that makes me uncomfortable. What I want is to be courageous enough of not being afraid to speak, not giving much attention to the outcome. I want to have enough inner strength to know my worth in the world, and that no external thing or situation will define who I am. If anyone is having second guesses of speaking of what’s inside your head, it is an affirmation that you must speak it loud and clear, for everyone to hear you, so they can offer their understanding, help or anything that you might need. But remaining with your struggles inside of you will deteriorate your mental and physical health. I have a great flu because of it. The feeling that comes after expressing yourself, eventhough you might cry, they are tears of joy, of being content with the advancement you already did, helping yourself and probably others by reflecting what they have always wanted to say but hadn’t had the courage either. I received a quote yesterday by Keith Raniere that says: “If, in the next moment your behavior would affect all of humanity forever more, how would you behave?- Every moment is such a moment”.
Every moment is such a moment
You become courageous by doing courageous acts. This was something Andrew told me last Friday and I couldn’t agree more with this quote today more than ever.
Anytime I have something important to say, and when I am in the situation I am coward and I don’t know how to start the conversation. So I just suffer inside of me, and don’t speak at all, expecting that the other person will ask me or be directly forwarding the solution to my problem, as if they knew the why and how of my problems. It is so not comfortable to remain with the anxiety that goes on your head, thinking things like: is this the right thing to say, how the other person will react, how will I be judged? It’s completely horrible, and it takes you away from the here and now. The worse feeling ever. To not speak your mind, because you are afraid of the outcome, and how others will think of you. Today was one of those days were I learned that remaining with my own problems, won’t lead me anywhere, plus I am not being honest with myself about expressing the things that makes me uncomfortable. What I want is to be courageous enough of not being afraid to speak, not giving much attention to the outcome. I want to have enough inner strength to know my worth in the world, and that no external thing or situation will define who I am. If anyone is having second guesses of speaking of what’s inside your head, it is an affirmation that you must speak it loud and clear, for everyone to hear you, so they can offer their understanding, help or anything that you might need. But remaining with your struggles inside of you will deteriorate your mental and physical health. I have a great flu because of it. The feeling that comes after expressing yourself, eventhough you might cry, they are tears of joy, of being content with the advancement you already did, helping yourself and probably others by reflecting what they have always wanted to say but hadn’t had the courage either. I received a quote yesterday by Keith Raniere that says: “If, in the next moment your behavior would affect all of humanity forever more, how would you behave?- Every moment is such a moment”.
May 21, 2014
Feeling pain
Today I had one of those moments where I went back years ago where I was used to being in front of cameras, and acting out a role. I had a commercial to do, and the whole experience was amazing, except of waking up at 4:10am to get there at 5:00am. Anyway it was very fast, and my body had still some energy left to arrive to MPC and have the dialogue on the AGG Debate round and the Systems of Survival dialogue. I was completely out of this world, my eyes were very swollen and my entire body hurt, as soon as the dialogues were over I went home and slept for about 3 hours. Remaining in bed and just feeling the pain. I thought to myself how many times I have good health and have little awareness of how great is to feel okay. It isn’t until you are prevented from your daily life activities that you don’t stop and acknowledge the good health you have, at least having the energy to move, and to act and to create and to pursue your interests. I was amazed of how many things we can accomplish by having good health. Then my boyfriend came to visit me, and told me that there’s probably something that I am avoiding and that there is so much energy within me that is blocking that thing from happening that I am rejecting my good health to evade what I need to be doing. He couldn’t be more precise. I think I am avoiding fifth semester responsibility, and internship. After he helped me be aware of that, my mind was stronger and decided to send an email to a person that will help me get something in a place where I can be able to express my words in an authentic way. Just with that mindset I was able to feel better and see several opportunities in front of me, most importantly thinking it was possible to attain them all.
Feeling pain
Today I had one of those moments where I went back years ago where I was used to being in front of cameras, and acting out a role. I had a commercial to do, and the whole experience was amazing, except of waking up at 4:10am to get there at 5:00am. Anyway it was very fast, and my body had still some energy left to arrive to MPC and have the dialogue on the AGG Debate round and the Systems of Survival dialogue. I was completely out of this world, my eyes were very swollen and my entire body hurt, as soon as the dialogues were over I went home and slept for about 3 hours. Remaining in bed and just feeling the pain. I thought to myself how many times I have good health and have little awareness of how great is to feel okay. It isn’t until you are prevented from your daily life activities that you don’t stop and acknowledge the good health you have, at least having the energy to move, and to act and to create and to pursue your interests. I was amazed of how many things we can accomplish by having good health. Then my boyfriend came to visit me, and told me that there’s probably something that I am avoiding and that there is so much energy within me that is blocking that thing from happening that I am rejecting my good health to evade what I need to be doing. He couldn’t be more precise. I think I am avoiding fifth semester responsibility, and internship. After he helped me be aware of that, my mind was stronger and decided to send an email to a person that will help me get something in a place where I can be able to express my words in an authentic way. Just with that mindset I was able to feel better and see several opportunities in front of me, most importantly thinking it was possible to attain them all.
Thursday May 22, 2014
Almost departing
Today I felt like it was months since I hadn’t been to MPC. It was great to come back with good health, energy and excitement to get the exams done. The first one was human action, and it included multiple choice, short answers and some essay questions. It was very fun to be placed in a position where you are aware of what you know and what you don’t know, being completely honest and just expressing what your understanding are, and if you were lucky and found something helpful in the text you were able to write it down. I felt very content, most of all because I could measure my time efficiently and was able to finish the exam in the given time, with no rush. After this test, we had the Economics in One Lesson test, which had a format that I enjoyed so much, first writing an inventory of the vocabulary words, later on making an exam for future students, and I felt very happy in applying different intelligences to answer the test. And lastly, writing an essay that explain the main idea of the book. I felt inspired, and loved the entire exercise, it really doesn’t feel like a test. At last, we had the exam of dialogue, explaining to someone what dialogues are for, and how they work. It was incredible, after finishing just in time, I had so much joy inside of me because I really felt I had done a great job, and was expressing my knowledge in the most authentic way possible. The feeling that I had, was one of sadness, because there is so little time remaining for us to be together that I will miss them so much, and there are thousands of experiences and moments we have lived together that it feels like they are my brothers already. There is more love share between us than ever have had.
Almost departing
Today I felt like it was months since I hadn’t been to MPC. It was great to come back with good health, energy and excitement to get the exams done. The first one was human action, and it included multiple choice, short answers and some essay questions. It was very fun to be placed in a position where you are aware of what you know and what you don’t know, being completely honest and just expressing what your understanding are, and if you were lucky and found something helpful in the text you were able to write it down. I felt very content, most of all because I could measure my time efficiently and was able to finish the exam in the given time, with no rush. After this test, we had the Economics in One Lesson test, which had a format that I enjoyed so much, first writing an inventory of the vocabulary words, later on making an exam for future students, and I felt very happy in applying different intelligences to answer the test. And lastly, writing an essay that explain the main idea of the book. I felt inspired, and loved the entire exercise, it really doesn’t feel like a test. At last, we had the exam of dialogue, explaining to someone what dialogues are for, and how they work. It was incredible, after finishing just in time, I had so much joy inside of me because I really felt I had done a great job, and was expressing my knowledge in the most authentic way possible. The feeling that I had, was one of sadness, because there is so little time remaining for us to be together that I will miss them so much, and there are thousands of experiences and moments we have lived together that it feels like they are my brothers already. There is more love share between us than ever have had.