Ask yourself what's at Stake:
Am I competent?
Am I a good person?
Am I worthy of love?
The all or nothing syndrome:
Denial: it requires a huge amount of psychic energy, and sooner or later the story we're telling ourselves is going to become untenable.
Exaggeration:
We let their feedback define who we are
First, you need to become familiar with those identity issues that are important to you, so you can spot them during a conversation. Second, you need to learn to integrate new information into your identity in ways that are healthy- a step that requires you to let go of all or nothing thinking.
Step one: Become aware of your identity issues
Step two: Complexify your identity (adopt the And Stance)
3 things to Accept about yourself:
You will make mistakes
Your intentions are complex
You have contributed to the problem
During the conversation: Learn to regain your balance
Let go of trying to control their reaction
Prepare for their response
Imagine that it's three month or ten year from now
Take a break
Am I competent?
Am I a good person?
Am I worthy of love?
The all or nothing syndrome:
Denial: it requires a huge amount of psychic energy, and sooner or later the story we're telling ourselves is going to become untenable.
Exaggeration:
We let their feedback define who we are
First, you need to become familiar with those identity issues that are important to you, so you can spot them during a conversation. Second, you need to learn to integrate new information into your identity in ways that are healthy- a step that requires you to let go of all or nothing thinking.
Step one: Become aware of your identity issues
Step two: Complexify your identity (adopt the And Stance)
3 things to Accept about yourself:
You will make mistakes
Your intentions are complex
You have contributed to the problem
During the conversation: Learn to regain your balance
Let go of trying to control their reaction
Prepare for their response
Imagine that it's three month or ten year from now
Take a break