2 key mistakes:
Our assumptions about intentions are often wrong
We assume intentions from the impact on us
we assume the worst
we treat ourselves more charitably
are there never bad intentions?
Getting their intentions wrong is costly
We assume bad intentions mean bad character
accusing them of bad intentions creates defensiveness
Second mistake:
Good intentions don't sanitize bad impact
We don't hear what they are really trying to say
We ignore the complexity of human motivations
We aggravate hostility, especially between groups
Avoiding the mistakes:
Disentangle impact and intent
Hold your view as a hypothesis
Share the impact on you, inquire about their intentions
Don't pretend you don't have a hypothesis
some defensiveness is inevitable
2. Listen for feelings, and reflect on your intentions
Listen past the accusation for the feelings
Be open to reflecting on the complexity of you intentions
Disentangle intent from impact
Our assumptions about intentions are often wrong
We assume intentions from the impact on us
we assume the worst
we treat ourselves more charitably
are there never bad intentions?
Getting their intentions wrong is costly
We assume bad intentions mean bad character
accusing them of bad intentions creates defensiveness
Second mistake:
Good intentions don't sanitize bad impact
We don't hear what they are really trying to say
We ignore the complexity of human motivations
We aggravate hostility, especially between groups
Avoiding the mistakes:
Disentangle impact and intent
Hold your view as a hypothesis
Share the impact on you, inquire about their intentions
Don't pretend you don't have a hypothesis
some defensiveness is inevitable
2. Listen for feelings, and reflect on your intentions
Listen past the accusation for the feelings
Be open to reflecting on the complexity of you intentions
Disentangle intent from impact