Feelings do matter. They are too powerful to remain peacefully bottled. They let us know we are fully ALIVE.
In a difficult conversation it is better to start of by surfacing your feelings at putting them at stake, most often feelings are at the heart of what's wrong. Talk about what you and no one else is feeling, because unexpressed feelings can create so much tension that you disengage from the conversation you are having. Often people don't know how to listen well, and this is because they don't express themselves well either, and unexpressed feelings can block the ability to listen. Acknowledge your feelings, because feelings just are. You won't always be happy with what you are feeling. Begin to deal with the underlying causes of these feelings. We turn our feelings into judgements, attributions, characterization, problem solving. Get everything you are feeling into the conversation. Before saying what you are feeling negotiate with your feelings. By changing your feelings you can alter you thinking. Focus not on blame but on what each of them contributed to the conversation. Express youor feelings without judging. When someone show their feelings, he is more vulnerable to be judged or rejected. Know yourself and explore your feelings, and specially be metacognitive about why you react the way you do towards certain inputs. Fight against the wounds created by your family environment and change them so you don't fall for them and be the same. Show your feelings! Solve it with the people that has to be solved and not take your feelings to other places or people that have nothing to do with it. Let's spread better paths.
In a difficult conversation it is better to start of by surfacing your feelings at putting them at stake, most often feelings are at the heart of what's wrong. Talk about what you and no one else is feeling, because unexpressed feelings can create so much tension that you disengage from the conversation you are having. Often people don't know how to listen well, and this is because they don't express themselves well either, and unexpressed feelings can block the ability to listen. Acknowledge your feelings, because feelings just are. You won't always be happy with what you are feeling. Begin to deal with the underlying causes of these feelings. We turn our feelings into judgements, attributions, characterization, problem solving. Get everything you are feeling into the conversation. Before saying what you are feeling negotiate with your feelings. By changing your feelings you can alter you thinking. Focus not on blame but on what each of them contributed to the conversation. Express youor feelings without judging. When someone show their feelings, he is more vulnerable to be judged or rejected. Know yourself and explore your feelings, and specially be metacognitive about why you react the way you do towards certain inputs. Fight against the wounds created by your family environment and change them so you don't fall for them and be the same. Show your feelings! Solve it with the people that has to be solved and not take your feelings to other places or people that have nothing to do with it. Let's spread better paths.